Hearing all the hoopla about Mitt Romney and his offshore tax havens got me thinking of how I could take advantage of such a thing. I happened to have some extra money I won on a scratcher and wanted to get away from paying taxes on the 100 big ones I had won. Yep, you read right, I had $100 dollars extra, which is practically a fortune to this working-class chick. Even though I had earned this money from lottery investments made in America, I wanted to avoid paying American taxes.
Romney's campaign says he can relate to people like me. So, it stands to reason, people like me should be able to enjoy the same benefits as Mitt, such as tax-free money. Now, I know I don't have no fancy dancin' horses like the Romneys, and my primary residence is a 900 sq. ft. duplex, these things shouldn't stop me from hiding my money like him. So I started making some calls.
I found out real quick the Swiss Banks aren't really interested in my one hundred dollars. You need a minimum deposit made in person of at least $100,000. That's a little more than I had. Heck, it's more than I'll probably ever have. A bank not wanting money sounded a little shady to me, so I decided to see if Swiss Banks were known for shady dealings.
Turns out Swiss Banks were used to hide the bloodied, pilfered treasure of the Nazis. As a patriotic American, I would never think of associating with such institutions. I'm ashamed to have ever thought of such a thing. It would be best to avoid, and not vote for, people who have such associations. I will gladly pay the taxes on my winnings and spend the money right here, in the good ol' USA!
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