Rick Perry: "I Love America So Much I'd Marry It!"

     At a campaign rally on Tuesday, presidential hopeful Rick Perry exclaimed that he loved America so much he'd marry it.  This elicited many questions from the reporters covering the event, including questions from our very own Bat Party correspondent who was in attendance:

Bat Party Reporter:  But you are already married, are you saying you'd take another wife, like a bigamist?
Gov. Rick Perry:  No, no that's not what I meant.  I meant to say I want to be really good friends with    America.
Bat Party Reporter:  So you want America to be your mistress?
Gov. Rick Perry:  I don't want America to be my mistress for crying out loud!  Who the hell are you anyway?
Fox News Reporter:  Don't apologize Governor, I'd dump my wife in a heartbeat if I could marry America.
Bat Party Reporter:  Would you and your wife have a threesome with America?
Gov. Rick Perry:  My wife does what I tell her to do, uh, wait a minute.  This is getting off topic.  Does somebody have something fried on a stick I can eat in front of the cameras?
Bat Party Reporter:  When do you plan on consummating your relationship with America?
Gov. Rick Perry:   Just as soon as I'm elected president.  This conversations over.  I'm gonna go kiss some babies.

B.P. Reporting from the campaign trail